[$$$]
[PHONES RINGING]
RECEPTIONIST: Good morning, Division of Children
and Family Services, can I help you?
[SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY]
Hey.
This is it, right? I think this is it.
You're meeting him where? Kinsey's, where we had our third date.
I got food poisoning there, barfed for days.
Oh, thank you for sharing.
He's gonna ask you. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
He's gonna ask me. He's gonna ask.
[KlM & RAE GlGGLlNG]
You been with him for how long? Two years.
But he's never mentioned it.
Of course he's mentioned it, we have plans.
He's gonna establish himself, then I'm gonna
go back to art school. We're gonna get a loft
with his-and-her studio spaces. Ha-ha-ha.
But nobody said marriage. Okay, back off, broken dreams.
It's true. He might be asking me to move in.
Say no. Say no.
Isn't that progress? It's the death knell.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
He's already getting the milk, Kim.
But he's not living with the cow. Ugh, I hate that saying.
I know, honey, but it's kind of a law of the universe.
You can't move in
because if you move in with him, then he'll never ask you to marry him.
And seven years will go by...
Seven years. Silent tears at anniversary dinners,
and then one day, out of the blue, he'll meet a Pilates instructor
who makes him feel alive again.
[SlGHS]
Let's just see how it goes.
What did he say again? He wants to talk
about something special. He's gonna ask you.
[BOTH SQUEAL AND GlGGLE]
[$$$]
[CHATTERlNG]
[LATlN JAZZ MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
Hi.
ADAM: Wow.
Wow, look at you.
Yup, Veuve Clicquot on ice,
and whether you remember or not, this is--
- Our table, of course I remember. Yes.
You're not supposed to remember that stuff.
Well, you always said I'm not a normal man.
I meant that in a good way. Yeah.
Okay, you know What?
I know I should probably wait until after we're done with the meal, but
I'm not a normal man, so here goes.
Okay, wait, let me take a sip.
Okay, do I look all right? You're beautiful.
Okay, I'm ready.
I got it.
I got the grant.
What grant?
The frog grant. Rae, I got the government grant
to travel the world taking pictures of frogs. Frogs of the world.
[$$$]
Oh.
Aren't you excited for me?
You know I've been working at this my whole life.
To take pictures of frogs.
Frogs of the whole world.
And how long will that take?
I-- l-- I don't know, a year?
You don't seem happy.
It's just...
- I thought it was something else. What?
Wait, What did you think?
Well, I didn't think frogs.
[$$$]
RAE: I don't care. CANDACE: You care.
I don't. I have a great life, I love my job.
You get a new job? Just because it stresses me out
doesn't mean I don't love it.
You wanna go to school.
I think I wanted to be an artist because Adam was one.
You majored in art. And social work.
As a fallback position. You are in the fallback position.
I really love my job, okay?
I have great friends. You met new friends?
I know people from yoga. Oh. Angry vegetarians.
I have my family. They drive you crazy.
Is this you being supportive?
CANDACE: No. I just can't listen to you say how you're over Adam
and you don't care if you get married. It's not true.
Nobody means that. Except for men, they mean it.
But Women, We never do.
I'm just saying, I don't need a man to make me complete.
Listen, you're only saying that because you read somewhere
that if you give up, you'll meet a man, but that is not true.
The way you meet a man is you don't stop trying.
Get back out there.
Why would I take advice from you? Why wouldn't you?
Your boyfriend's married. Don't make this about me.
RAE: Point is, nobody has a marriage that I'm envious of
so I don't think it matters. Oh. It matters.
Ask Vera Wang. Ask gay people. It matters.
Well, then, maybe I'm just not the marrying kind.
[BOTH PANTlNG]
You want the fairy tale. I don't.
Yes, you do.
You want Richard Gere climbing up the fire escape.
I'd have to be a hooker for that. - You want the 1930s.
You want some guy who comes in wearing a tuxedo
to waltz you around the room. Is that What happened in the '30s?
If you wait for the fairy tale, nothing happens because it's not real.
Then What's real? - What's real is...
You know what? You make a list of everything you want
and then you start shopping for it.
You create an emotional budget
and you compromise where you have to,
but you don't go to the checkout until you have at least 80 percent
of everything on that list. I don't even grocery shop like that.
You're still hung up on Adam. I'm not hung up on him.
It's not easy to move on from someone who is handsome
and had a great body, had an exciting career.
Honey, he chose frogs over you.
I broke up with him. Because he chose frogs over you.
- Stop saying that. I'm fixing you up.
No. I know a guy.
No, you don't. I don't wanna talk about it, Candace, I mean it.
We're two college-educated women up to our necks in real-life scenarios.
We help indigent children. We know the welfare system.
I've read Freakanomics and Malcolm Gladwell.
I read Camus in the original French. Really?
A few chapters.
I understand civil rights and fiber optics and the stimulus package.
We're not gonna talk about this. Okay.
Okay? Okay.
[$$$]
He did have kind of a perfect body, though.
What?
[$$$]
Okay, I hate to be a stuck record on this,
but We do not expense meals around here, people.
I don't care if you're Working late. This is a government institution.
We subsidize people in need, not people with cravings for Subway.
Why do you look at me When you say that?
I'm not, Kim. Why do you take everything personally?
I don't know. Maybe because I'm so sensitive.
Moving on.
[ALL MURMURlNG]
- Rae. Yes?
I see you have a busy day.
Imogene Hicks needs another placement.
No, I found a good home for her.
The Cranes want her out. Picking fights with the other kids.
Hardaways said they'd take her, only till Monday.
If you can't find a spot,
I'm gonna kick it to detention where she belongs.
I'll handle it. You know my policy:
Do not waste time on the hopeless cases.
Immy is not hopeless. One more chance.
I'll take care of it. Okay, that's it.
Hey, don't forget to sign up for the softball potluck.
We still need desserts.
[CHATTERlNG]
Ladies.
Mm. You should definitely go for that.
He's barely out of college. Plus, he wears the hat.
He's part of that whole hat-rock movement.
What? I'm not saying marry him.
The whole younger guy thing, they're just looking for Mommy.
No, they're bored With girls their age. They adore strong Women.
They're like gum on your shoe, you can't lose them.
Nice image. - Okay, Why don't you just go ahead
- and get the two dozen cats now? Goodbye.
[$$$]
And join a book club.
They were crazy and they had it in for me.
All the families have it in for you. Yeah, but this woman had OCD.
You know What it's like cleaning the bathroom for someone With OCD?
It's not a chore, it's a career.
I'm on your side, and I'm telling you,
if you can't make it work, my boss is gonna send you to court
and they're gonna send you to detention.
Do you want that? No.
Then make it work with the next family, okay?
You probably come from some perfect croquet-playing family.
Actually, I was adopted.
You Were in the system? - For eight months.
I don't remember anything because my strange
but Wonderful family came and got me, and I'm grateful.
Mm-hm.
Why can't I come stay with you? We've been through this.
I'm your social worker, not your parent.
I'm not licensed to take care of you.
Why Would they have to know? I slot right in. You don't have a life.
Who told you that? You did.
Well, I'm gonna get one. Old maid.
Get in the car, delinquent.
[$$$]
[SCOFFS]
BEV: Well, that is just the silliest thing I ever heard.
I know it sounds crazy, but when everybody's thinking crazy,
you have to too.
But to sign him up for nursery school before he even has a name--
He has a name, Mother. Llewellyn Rufus Rumson has a name.
You're not kidding with that. Well, we haven't entirely decided yet.
Yes, we have. Okay.
It's a girl's name.
How many times do I have to tell you? It's Welsh.
It's a man name in Wales.
We're in America, and it's a fat girl's name.
Not open for discussion.
Our son is named. Swan, do something.
I'm doing something. I'm checking my stock.
I mean about your daughter, what she's about to name our grandson.
Trudy, don't give your baby a name that's gonna upset your mother.
Oh, ha, ha, Daddy, you're funny. Ha, ha.
Well, feel free to chime in here, sport.
I'd rather not. Well, whose side are you on?
Didn't know there were sides. You haven't been paying attention.
[SlGHS]
Okay, Why is this happening?
What? The empty plate. What is that?
- Is Elijah coming? I had to balance the table.
Didn't consider it'd make me miss Adam?
We miss him. We thought you were gonna marry him.
- I thought so too. You couldn't wait.
No, it's not like war, I couldn't wait.
Besides, he wasn't ready.
How do you know? I gleaned it when he said:
"I'm not ready to get married."
Okay, that's enough.
Rae Anne, don't let them bully you around.
You've got smarts and determination, true grit.
Not every Woman can say that.
You have substance, and that sets you apart.
A real man notices that.
That's just between you and me, okay?
Thank you, Daddy.
Everybody can hear you, Daddy.
What? Like it's some big surprise
that Rae is your favorite. I'm Mommy's favorite, it's fine.
There's traffic. I better get going.
You can't go, we're all gonna go to church tomorrow
and Reverend Maynard's been asking about you all the time.
Sounds great, but I can't.
All right.
[SOBBlNG]
[$$$]
Okay, fine, I'll go.
Perfect.
REVEREND: Genesis 2, verse 24:
"Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother
and be joined to his Wife and they shall be one flesh."
In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul reminds us that
it is better to marry than to burn With passion.
[ORGAN PLAYS HYMN]
RAE: You knew What the sermon was gonna be about.
Oh, yes, that's right.
The Reverend Maynard sends me his sermons every Saturday
so he can get my input.
That wasn't a coincidence.
Maybe you're hearing this all around because it is on your mind.
Maybe it's because no one can talk about anything else.
Why can't anything else impress you?
I graduated summa cum laude from Emory,
I've won awards for my work, I'm saving lives.
And that's more than a party, a cake and a dress.
Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry, Reverend. - Ha-ha-ha.
It's so good to see you.
Heavens, I don't believe I've seen you since the christening.
- Yours. Ha, ha. Ha. Ha, ha.
[ALL LAUGH]
I moved closer to the city. I'm a social worker.
I'm saving lives. Ooh. That's wonderful.
Can we talk for a moment? Reverend, if this is about my soul...
No, no, it's nothing like that. No, I saw you sitting
in the congregation and it got me thinking about my nephew.
He lives in the city, but a hopeless bachelor.
Family's trying to marry him off. Ha, ha.
Give him a call.
[$$$]
You're fixing me up? He makes good money.
He's an interior designer. Oh, well...
He's not gay. I asked him.
Well, I'm sure he wouldn't lie to his preacher uncle. Heh.
I have gaydar.
Give him a call.
[CHUCKLES]
[SPEAKS lNDlSTlNCTLY]
[SlGHS]
[$$$]
I do not want the fairy tale.
What? I do not want the fairy tale.
TheMeetingSpot.org.
[WHlMPERlNG]
What? Everyone does it, there's no shame in it.
Don't judge me.
Let's see. Bob.
Sensitive and caring.
Having children is the most important thing in the World to him.
He's looking for a baby mama.
Next.
Patrick, entrepreneur, loves travel,
Iooking for someone open-minded, spontaneous,
with European sensibilities.
[WHlMPERS]
What? He wants to have a threesome. It doesn't mean that I do.
Okay, this one's headline is "Use the Force, Luke."
We do not date grown men Who still talk about Star Wars.
[SlGHlNG]
[$ $ $]
If anyone's listening or even cares,
I don't want the yard-sale scenario, I want the fairy tale.
$ Somewhere seems So nice and new $
Thank you.
$ Someday dreams They can come true $
$ I'll fly away To someday soon $
$ Mm, mm, mm $ $
I think that you should call him up.
I should call the pastor's gay nephew?
He might not be gay.
Go on a date, for God's sake. It's not gonna kill you.
Have sex. You know once you start having sex, other men, they can tell.
They start coming around. They're like wolves.
- Wolves mate for life. Well, then, like dingoes.
I don't know, but it is scientifically proven.
You should have your own show on the National Geographic channel.
Well, it's nature, you know? It's DNA.
You've just gotta stop being so romantic about it.
Adam?
Hey.
How long have you been back?
Not long.
Uh, you remember Candace.
ADAM: Of course, hi. Hey. Heh.
So, uh, you're shopping.
I couldn't get you to go with a gun to your head. Ha, ha.
WOMAN: There you are.
Stop to look at one pair of heels and you disappear.
Yeah, I ran into some friends. Lyric, this is Rae, Candace.
LYRlC: Hi, it's nice to meet you. CANDACE: Hi.
How are things on the pole? What?
Frogs. Um, how are things With the frogs?
What frogs?
Were there ever any frogs?
I can explain. Okay, we gotta go.
Rae, she's my niece!
Oh, you're not crying, are you?
Over the frog-wrangler? Honey, he's so not Worth it.
I get it now, the dream has died. Men are dingoes. I get it.
Oh, I didn't mean for you to totally get it.
[$$$]
I mean, maybe she is his niece. There could be some explanation.
I mean, maybe there was a frog famine.
I could hear him out, I owe him that.
[GROWLS]
Oh, come on.
I'm gonna call him.
[DOG BARKS]
I don't care what you think.
[PHONE RlNGlNG]
Hi, this is Rae.
Hi, Rae, this is Luke Maynard.
Who? Luke Maynard.
My uncle gave you-- Er, me your phone number.
Oh, God. Yeah, I know.
I figured, hey, it's gotta be better than TheMeetingSpot.org, right?
Ha, ha. At least he got a look at you. He said you were hot, by the way.
[$ $ $]
Reverend Maynard said I was hot? Actually, I'm sure he said "pretty."
You know, Luke, as much fun as this dating ritual is,
I'm gonna have to call you back. - Sure, yeah, you're busy, I see.
Uh, is there a good time for me to call back?
Never. Never would be a good time.
[PHONE BEEPS]
Hello?
[SOBBlNG]
I should just get the cats.
[$$$]
Hi, Luke, this is Rae Carter from the other night. Um--
Sorry I was so rude, it was a really bad time.
Anyway, I was thinking about What you Were saying and I agree.
We might as Well meet, What the hell? Heh.
Um, how about Rush at 5:00?
Um, you don't have to call me back. We could just meet there.
I' m gonna be there anyway so we could just meet there. Uh...
So if you show up, then that'll be great,
and if you don't, that's also great, and it's all good.
Okay, bye.
Wow, smooth. Mind your own business.
Your bathrooms are really skanky, by the way.
The tampon machine is broken, so I loaded up.
T echnically, that's government fraud. What, I'm a ward of the state.
Any luck finding me a happy family?
Working on it. How are the Hardaways?
They treat Spam like a food group. Be nice to them.
If they turn on you, you're going to detention.
I know how to handle myself.
Is that why you got kicked out of gym today?
I refused to weigh in. It's nobody's business.
You told the PE teacher she was a cow.
I'm socially maladjusted. Could you not express every thought?
- Learn how to finesse. Finesse?
I don't think you can help me with finesse.
Okay, I Will talk to the principal and get them to drop the suspension
because if I told my boss about this incident
he'd kick you over to court. Hm, covering for me.
Isn't that fraud? Just say thank you.
WOMAN: Rae, pick up line five.
[SlGHS]
RAE: Rae Carter.
Mrs. Lang, yes, thank you for getting back to me.
No, she is a sweet girl,
a great kid.
She'll fit right in.
Tomorrow after 5. Yes, we will be there.
Thank you.
You're in.
Thank you.
Lovely.
Aw. Cute.
[SMOOTH JAZZ MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
[PHONE BEEPS]
Another martini? Uh, no, I'll just finish this one, thanks.
Will there be another party joining you?
Don't know. I don't have a crystal ball, just a phone that hasn't rung yet. Heh.
Okay, easy, princess.
Sorry, I guess I'm a little tense.
I'll get you another drink.
- LUKE: Hi. Are you Rae? I am.
I'm Luke Maynard.
Nice place. Yes, I love the aesthetic,
the whole gestalt, the general vibe.
I know that one. Yeah. You look familiar.
It sounds like a line, but you do.
Maybe your uncle. I feel like I've met you before.
Sorry, am I talking really fast? I had a martini on an empty stomach.
Ha-ha-ha. That sounds like a good idea to me.
So did you hit traffic? No.
Ooh. They've got seviche, are you hungry?
No.
So you didn't hit traffic? - Mm-mm.
It's just that you're really late.
Uh-oh.
Please don't suspend me. I'll have to go to summer school.
If I had insulted a complete stranger on the telephone,
I might float him a few extra minutes.
You're right.
I think I apologized. You did, on voicemail.
Doesn't that count? No, not really.
No one uses voicemail anymore.
The phone is for letting you know Who called,
but for invitations, schedule changes, emergencies,
texting is the way to go.
Apologies, that's definitely an in-person kind of thing.
Well, that, or e-mail, but thanks, I accept.
I take it back. No take-backs.
If I could address these rules of technological etiquette
which sprung up suddenly, without a vote, is it possible that the people
who invented this are actually not good at traditional social interaction?
They found a way to avoid confrontation
by imposing these restrictions on those who are adept at connection
and they bully us with these rules so they can hide their inadequacies
While making us feel culturally irrelevant?
No? Am I talking fast?
Yes. I know you, Luke.
Use the Force, Luke. Oh, my gosh.
TheMeetingSpot.org. Wait.
That's you. My friend did that.
She created my profile. Never used it.
I never used it, either. Okay.
Well, you...
are beautiful.
What? What? My uncle, he said
that you were beautiful and you are.
Thank you. You're welcome.
That sounds like a line.
Doesn't mean it is. You feel comfortable saying that
to any woman? Well, not to ugly women.
Wow. Heh.
This is a mistake
and I apologize, but I have to go.
What did I do? Nothing.
I'm just exhausted by the whole dance, so I should just sit this one out.
Could I just ask you a question? What is wrong with men?
Oh, boy. Hey, Jimmy?
Wait, you know him?
I designed this place. I'm a regular here.
- Do you want me to answer that? You designed this?
Okay, first off, we are told to stop crying by the age of, like, 3.
Then every time an adult male leaves the house, he says:
"You're in charge." But deep down inside you know
you can't be in charge because you can't even make a sandwich.
Then you start to notice girls Who aren't your mom.
You want them to like you, but they don't go
for the normal social cues, such as being tackled to the ground
or being called a nickname like Craphead.
You decide to give her a gift, but she laughs at the rock you brought her
even though it's the coolest rock and it has all kinds of glittery stuff on it.
Anyway, let's assume that you Work your way through that minefield
and you get a Woman to notice you.
Then your guy friends start calling you names.
So you spend your life trying to satisfy these two groups of people
and then you grow up, throw Work into that mix
and you're pulled in three different directions,
and you're just too tired to know What a Woman wants from you,
particularly if you've only spoken to her for five minutes.
But we know we would die in a ditch without women, so we keep trying.
Thanks, Jimmy. Ah, yes.
That was amazing. Mm.
Really.
[SlGHS]
How long did it take to memorize that?
Three days, tops.
Well, you've given me a lot to think about, so I'm gonna go.
I had a nice time. Thank you. Goodbye.
Wait, you're leaving? But we're just getting started.
That went well. Really?
[$$$]
I'm gonna marry that girl. Yeah.
BEV: Oh, was he cute?
RAE: Yes, he was cute, but you're not listening, Mother.
He was aggressive. He lectured me a little.
He might be a jerk.
Do you want me to date a jerk? We do know his family.
[TOOL CLANGS]
SWAN: God, son of a-- - What's he doing in there?
WoodWorking. It's his latest hobby.
Men have to have hobbies,
otherwise they have affairs,
Which I suppose is a kind of a hobby.
Men need to have a life outside you to prove they don't need you.
It's in the Bible. - But he might hurt himself.
Well, that's his business.
Can't you tell him to stop?
Heh. My darling dear, you cannot tell men what to do.
You can tell them what to do.
No, you can't. If they do it, then they lose respect for themselves
and you lose respect for them too, Without even realizing.
You can tell men what you need,
and about half the time, they can do that.
Good average. - Then What's the point of marriage?
It's a kind of business proposition. - Ugh, I hate that.
Why? It works out very well.
They do the hardware stuff, We make things smell good.
I' m not buying this.
My darling, you are making it much too complicated.
You're asking too much of men. They're not us.
They're not intuitive, they can't multitask, they're color-blind.
[CHUCKLES]
They seem broken, but they're not, they're simple.
And they have things to teach us.
Like what?
That you don't have to have an emotional response to everything.
You use tears like a weapon. Yes, but I know I'm doing that.
Your father taught me that.
And he taught me that things mostly work out.
He taught me patience, and not to go near sharp objects when I'm upset
and how to pack a trunk, lots of things.
But mostly, he taught me that he is not a woman
and that I wouldn't want him to be.
I'll play that part.
But you don't want to hear this, because you want the fairy tale,
Which is Why you'll be an old maid.
SWAN: Bev, can you bring me a beer?
Coming, Swan.
Nobody says "old maid" anymore.
[LAUGHS]
[PHONE RlNGS]
Hello? MAN: Hi, it's me.
"Me" who? Me, Luke.
Oh, I see, you didn't put me in your phone.
Wow. You're calling me? You shouldn't answer numbers
you don't recognize, because now I know you didn't like me enough
to put my number in your phone, and that makes me feel weird
and kind of excited. Do you wanna go out this weekend?
I didn't think our date went that well. It didn't, but I like you.
You got moxie. I've got moxie?
Come to my house, I wanna cook.
Why, because I've got moxie? Is this a '50s movie?
Should I put on a skirt, let you chase me around?
Sounds great. Saturday night, 8:00. I'll text you the address.
[LlNE DlSCONNECTS]
[$$$]
Moxie.
[LlNE RlNGS THEN BEEPS]
- Hi, it's Rae. LUKE: Hi, come on in.
[DOOR BUZZES]
[$$$]
[SlGHS]
[LlNE RlNGS THEN BEEPS]
It's me again. Hey, sorry.
[DOOR BUZZES]
Wait. Don't touch it. - Oh.
Now.
[DOOR BUZZES]
Hi. - Hi.
Heh. I'm glad we worked that out. Me too. Ha, ha.
You look great, come on in. Thanks.
You're welcome.
[JAZZ MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
Wow.
I'm glad you changed your mind, especially about the skirt.
It's a pencil dress. - Heh, heh.
This is amazing.
Architecture's limiting. Gotta get a note from the governor
to change anything,
- but I tried to put my own spin on it. You're good.
You like the aesthetic, the Whole gestalt, the general...?
What was the other one? Um, general vibe.
Ah.
I was a little drunk. Ha, ha. - Ha, ha.
But I do like your work, it's... You know, it's great. Uh--
The textures, the palette, the use of space.
Doesn't sound like you're making that up.
Yeah, I studied art in school, and social work.
Ooh. Who won? Uh, social work, for now.
Oh. This is for you.
Thank you, nice choice. Shall We? - Sure.
So how did you get started in design?
I don't know, Legos, forts, tree houses.
I just always loved designing stuff.
Why, how'd you get started in social work?
Actually, I was adopted from the system When I was 8 months old.
I always Wondered What Would've happened if they hadn't come.
Well, I'm glad they did.
And that they go to my uncle's church.
Me too.
All right. Let's get the big stuff out of the way.
What happened in your last relationship?
He left me for frogs.
That old chestnut? Ha, ha. Ha-ha-ha.
You? I wouldn't take it to the next level.
And Why was that?
I don't know, she wasn't the one.
- Mm. How did you know? Come on, you just know.
[$$$]
So you believe in all that stuff?
Absolutely I do.
You don't? I think it's a mystery.
Mystery's good.
Are you hungry? Mm. Yes.
Good. I'd hoped to time things out better, but the paella is already done. Aah.
Ooh. I don't think I've met a man who can make paella.
- Or a Woman, for that matter. Ha, ha.
Oh, it smells amazing.
[PHONE RlNGlNG]
Oh, excuse me.
Don't worry about it, this only took six hours.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Hi, this is Rae Carter. Yes, I can vouch for her.
[$$$]
She's my responsibility.
Please, just... Just wait till I get there.
I'm on my way. I'm sorry, I have to run.
- What? This girl I'm in charge of ran away.
She's in police custody. I gotta go. Now?
They're gonna put her in detention. Let me drive.
It's fine. You're upset, shouldn't be driving.
Thanks.
I'm so sorry about this. It's okay.
[$$$]
You've got five minutes.
So is that your date? - lmmy, What Were you thinking?
There was a kid in that house. I knew him from another foster home.
He tried to make a move on me before, he tried it again.
I hit him with something. It was, like, a soccer trophy, I think.
Look, I didn't mean to hurt him. I was just trying to make a point
and I knew no one would listen, so I ran.
You can get me out, right? I don't think so.
Come on, Rae, vouch for me. I will, but you're in the system now.
This is bigger than the both of us.
Detention. Most likely until you age out.
[SlGHS]
He's cute, go for it. Immy--
Marriage material. Looks like he has good sperm.
You could have lots of babies. I can't think about that now.
Why not? I think about it all the time.
[$$$]
Meeting some cute, nerdy guy, having kids,
buying a house in the suburbs with a fireplace and matching La-Z-Boys.
What, a girl can't dream? You believe in all that?
Yeah.
Why, just because I've seen a bunch of people get it wrong?
That's just how you learn to get it right.
[SlGHS]
- I'm sorry. For What?
Well, just... Tough night.
Yeah, Well...
Thank you for dinner and for bringing me here.
I'm sorry about the paella.
Maybe you can make it again for me sometime
or I could try to make it for you.
Or I could try to resolve the national debt,
which is about as likely as me pulling off paella. Heh.
You don't have to do that, you know.
Do what? Pretend.
You can talk to me.
I don't know you. Well, I'm here.
What else are you gonna do, talk to your dog?
He never interrupts.
Well, I won't interrupt.
[SlGHS]
You see the kids who are never gonna make it.
[$$$]
You almost know it the moment you look at them,
bitter, immature, self-destructive.
You harden yourself to those cases.
But then you see the ones who have a chance.
That girl still has dreams.
Somehow, she thinks she's gonna have some kind of a traditional life.
She's gonna make up for all the things she didn't get.
I've seen the way the system works, the odds are against her.
I can't tell her that, but at the same time, I can't not tell her, you know?
Would you consider marrying me?
Drop dead.
Wait a second, what happened? I'm confused, what did I do?
I just opened up to you
and you used that opportunity to make fun of me.
I'm being serious.
Oh, you wanna marry me after knowing me 45 minutes
and only half of those are pleasant? My fault, which I'll own, but seriously.
It happens. Not to me.
Wait, Rae, well, maybe your story's changing.
[$$$]
All right, if you won't marry me, will you at least finish our date?
Please?
Okay.
Well, uh...
Warmed-up shellfish sound good to you?
Not really. Yeah, yeah, me neither.
Ooh. How about some Wine? - Sure.
Great.
Here you go. Thanks.
I have an idea. Don't move.
[JON lNGOLDSBY'S "ALL THE RlGHT MlSTAKES" PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
Huh?
That's nice. Ha, ha. Good, I'm glad you like it.
Come on down here.
$ Well, people ask me $
[LAUGHS]
Let me take that.
Don't move. I'll be right back.
$ And how this came $
We're gonna dance.
$ 'Cause I'm the envy With luck so hard $
[LAUGHS]
$ You better believe Yeah $
$ They like to call me $
Uh-oh. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha.
$ For better or worse Baby, here I stand $
$ And I wouldn't change a thing $
$ For an unlikely king $
$ I must have made All the right mistakes $
$ Yeah $
$ And I'm livin' the dream 'Cause $
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]
[SlGHS]
Hold that thought and that position.
Don't move. It'll be like freeze-tag. You're it.
Seriously, don't move.
$ In life are free $$
Hey. Ah. Hey, what--?
Unh. You wanna grab a drink?
Uh, what are you doing here? What happened to Majorca?
HARRY: Malaysia, and that was yesterday.
Tonight I went from my plane to a charity event
and when I got to the hotel, they lost my reservation.
Ah. The reservation you never made. You know I hate hotels.
Yeah, listen, I got a, uh... Some...
What?
Ah. Hey, easy.
Sorry. Harry, this is Rae.
Rae, this is my oldest friend in the world and college roommate, Harry.
I should just go.
Hi. - Hi.
No, stay. Have a drink.
You guys chat, I'll make up the guest room.
You sure? Yeah, absolutely.
Heh. So college. Yup.
Which one? - Yale, Princeton--
LUKE: Brown. Brown, that's the one.
I transferred a lot.
How about that drink? Oh, right, I'll get you a glass.
Oh!
[$$$]
You all right?
Fine.
[$$$]
LUKE: Am I interrupting? Oh.
I fell.
I caught her. He caught me.
Huh. Likely story.
Please do not take liberties With the future Mrs. Maynard, Harry.
Is that what we're celebrating? No.
Well, not yet, I just asked her. In a police station.
I haven't answered.
Of course, because he asked you in a police station.
Didn't I teach you any manners? You came to my house
on my first date looking for a place to stay. No, you didn't teach me.
- Your first date? The other one didn't count, did it?
The one where I walked out on you? Probably not.
Hm. This sounds like a stable relationship.
Can I be the best man so I can console her When this doesn't Work?
No. Hm.
[GULPS]
Maybe this needs to breathe or just go away.
The guy recommended it. How about a martini?
- You're dressed for it. No, thanks. I'm tired anyway.
I spent too much time in the opium den last night.
He's joking. I'm joking.
I spent the right amount of time there.
Still joking.
Good night, you guys. I'll, uh, see you at the wedding?
Good night. - RAE: Night.
[SlGHS]
He's great.
I don't get to see him much, but when I do, it's like we're back in college. Heh.
I know, I'm sorry, he can be a little bombastic.
You just gotta get to know him.
He insulted my wine.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
That's true. You know what? He will not be the best man.
You don't really think we're getting married.
That proposal wasn't real, right?
Of course it wasn't real, that would be crazy.
Mm.
[$$$]
When can I see you again?
- When do you wanna see me again? Tomorrow.
I'll check my schedule.
Tomorrow's good.
And every day after that.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Miss Hicks has had difficulty adjusting to the foster care system
since entering it at the age of 12.
Though she's run away several times, she's never been in serious trouble.
She has no police record and she maintains a B average in school.
We can't keep burning through foster families, Ms. Twain.
I've given her a number of chances.
Is her social Worker here?
Y es, Your Honor.
Have you had a chance to talk with Miss Hicks?
I have and I'm fully convinced that lmogene
now understands the gravity of her actions.
She's willing to be placed anywhere
and desires to graduate from her current high school.
She's in her last year, and it seems outrageous--
Extreme.
I'm not sure it's a good idea to disrupt her life
when she's so close to aging out of the system.
You've worked with her?
I have, Your Honor.
And you're still vouching for her?
I believe in her, Your Honor.
She's high-spirited, it's true, and impatient,
but that's because she's exceptionally intelligent.
She's not a classic case.
She's the only child of a single mother who died when she was 1 1.
Before that, she was a good student with drive and ambition.
I believe that's all still in there.
Given the right environment, she could thrive.
Question is, where is that right environment?
I need a few days on this.
I'm ordering lmogene back to detention
and you'll be notified of the next court date.
BAlLlFF: Come With me, please.
[GAVEL BANGS]
[$$$]
- BEV: Does he have any money? RAE: Mother, money is not the issue.
It's an issue. It's just as easy to love a rich man as a poor man.
Don't tell me you left some poor guy in the dust to marry Dad.
- As a matter of fact, Don't answer that.
he was a writer. A poet, no less.
I knew that was a disaster waiting to happen
so as fond as I was of him,
I said yes instead to the somewhat less handsome law student
and We've been very reasonably happy.
And the other guy ended up being destitute?
Oh, no, he had a company that Went public.
Now he could buy and sell your father. Ha-ha-ha.
Is there a moral to this story?
Yes, and I'm pretty sure that it's
that I don't regret marrying your father.
That's not the same thing as having the man of your dreams.
I never have any men in my dreams.
I had houses and furniture and china and shoes in my dreams.
And children.
So wait, Daddy's just a space-filler? No, he's a facilitator.
I couldn't have had all that without him.
Let's just pretend for a minute that it's you.
Mother, it is me.
All right.
What is it you have in your dreams?
A man who is honest and kind
and sexy and exciting and secure and rational and consistent
and who will love me like crazy until the day he dies.
I'm not finished.
I want the kind of relationship where we make each other better
so that at the end of a lifetime, we can look back
and pass that on to our children,
who will have learned lessons about love and friendship
and companionship from two people who are willing to take the leap
and trust that true love is real.
And not just real, but the most powerful thing in the world.
- How long have you been like this? All my life.
I Wish I'd known. Maybe We could've done something about it.
Well, it's too late now, and I'm not willing to settle for less.
And you think Reverend Maynard's nephew is the man to give you this?
I think, but how can I know for sure?
If I were gonna gamble on one thing, I'd go with the trust
rather than all that other stuff.
Do you trust this young man?
Of course. As much as you can trust someone after two dates.
I have a date that I have to get ready for.
I've driven all the way here to see you.
No, you drove here for a shopping fix.
And to see you. I can't sit home all the time worrying about you.
Sometimes I have to come here and do it face-to-face.
Thank you, Mother.
[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
[CHATTERlNG]
Hi. - Hey.
Sorry I'm late. No worries.
Am I late? Um, no, I'm early.
Oh.
Wow, this is nice. - lsn't it?
Did you design it? - Yes, I did.
Ha-ha-ha. Are you gonna keep showing me your greatest hits?
Yes, I'm wooing you.
Do you...? Do you feel wooed?
Yes, I feel very wooed. Thank you. Ha-ha-ha.
How are things With your roommate?
Uh, okay. I haven't seen much of him. He was on business all day.
What's he do? I don't know, he buys and sells stuff.
What kind of stuff? Buildings, countries. He's very rich.
He was born that way.
I'll remember that. Uh-oh. Is this our first pothole?
You hate my best friend? No. I don't know your best friend.
He doesn't seem like you at all. How's that?
Well, you seem responsible and grounded,
and he's the other thing.
Well, he's a player. At least he can admit it.
It's not like you have to date the guy. Ha, ha.
No, I already dated him.
I mean, a guy like him.
Okay, more than one guy like him. I'm over it.
Good. Because that guy, the free spirit,
he always says that he has to live his life his way
and someone's usually getting hurt.
Someone's picking up the emotional tab
or giving him a place to stay.
We're supposed to admire his adventurous nature.
But that guy's gonna end up alone
and then where's his adventure, you know? Ha, ha.
Yeah, okay. Well, I'm glad that you're over it.
Sorry. It's okay.
That last relationship's a little fresh, huh?
No. Maybe. I don't know.
You know, the point is I finally realized that I want a guy like you
and I don't want you to be a guy like that.
Well, I'm not. I just know a guy like that.
- Okay? Okay.
Now, will you marry me? No. I mean, not yet.
Someone's gotta put the brakes on it, because we don't know each other.
We have to be sensible.
You're right, you know? I totally agree.
As a matter of fact, I'm over it. I think We should just be friends.
[BOTH LAUGH]
HARRY: Hey. Oh.
Hey. Sorry. I locked myself out.
I know, I'm an idiot. Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, the future Mrs. Maynard is looking lovely tonight.
Thank you, and Rae is fine.
Who's Rae? I'm Rae, it's my name. Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, right. I'm still Harry.
Yes, you are. You're not gonna lose these, are you?
Nope, I'm gonna go home, eat pizza, watch the History Channel.
- Really? Really.
Really? I have a quiet side.
- Really? You guys just go ahead
and enjoy your dinner. - Okay. I'll see you later.
Do you wanna join us for dinner? - Mm.
I don't wanna impose. No, it's fine.
I should probably get to know Luke's best friend.
Oh, Well, in that case, I accept.
I really appreciate this.
I looked through my phone book. There's not a single woman
in Georgia that's speaking to me. There is one in South Carolina.
I don't remember what she looks like, so don't wanna risk it, right?
Ha, ha. He's kidding. I'm absolutely kidding.
[SlGHS]
[$$$]
[WHlNlNG]
What? Oh, you're not busy?
I can take a break. Okay, come check this out.
This is Max's wife's blog. Who's Max?
My boyfriend. - There was a rule
about not using his name. That was when I was protecting him.
But now, I don't care. Look at this.
RAE: "Leslie is showing off her new diamond ring."
You checked out her blog? Under a false identity.
You're cyber-stalking her. You are missing the point.
He bought her a ring
one day after he told me that I was the wind beneath his wings.
He said that? Yeah.
So you know what? I decided I'm gonna give TheMeetingSpot.org a try.
You gotta check out my profile.
Are you really calling yourself "Party in a Box?"
Yeah, it's better than "Party With a Box."
- Whoa, Whoa, go back. What?
RAE : That's Luke.
That's your Luke? Y eah.
He's cute. - Yeah.
Why is he still on TheMeetingSpot.org?
I guess you have to let the contract run out or something.
I'm still on it for another month.
Right. You're not active.
Right. I'm sure he isn't either.
I don't wanna know. You do.
It Will set your mind at ease.
I don't computer-stalk people, okay? Back off.
- Back off. Fine.
[GASPS]
That could mean anything.
Right, but what? I have no idea.
LUKE : Great. I wasn't sure.
- RAE: What's he doing here? I said I have no idea.
No, I mean, he's actually here.
Don't make a scene in front of the children.
- Hi. Hi. I thought We Were meeting
at the restaurant. I'm sorry. I gotta go out of town.
Oh, when? Right now. I gotta go to Austin.
I'm really sorry. I'm designing a bar there.
It's kind of an '80s thing.
Colored glass, flecked wallpaper, tufted banquettes.
I may come back with a mullet, and a fanny pack, if you're lucky.
Hi. Hi.
Um, how long will you be gone? Couple of days.
College buddy of mine bought a bar
and he asked me to jump in, so...
How many college buddies do you have?
Ha, ha. A few.
Wait a second, do you think I'm making this up?
Why would I do that? You wouldn't.
I'm sorry. I...
I just thought this was gonna be the magic date.
Uh-huh. The what? You know.
I don't know. Tell me.
Magic date?
You know, the magic date. No... Oh, the sex date. Your--
Ha-ha-ha. Sorry.
- We prefer "magic." Okay, Well,
the sex date is coming
and I promise it is going to defy the laws of gravity
and create time warps.
That's pretty big talk. You're the one who said "magic."
[$$$]
I miss you already. I will call you from New York.
Um, Austin. Oh, right, Austin.
Usually it's New York. Bye.
Bye.
LUKE: Bye-bye. CANDACE: Bye.
[$$$]
WOMEN: Aww...
[WOMEN GlGGLlNG]
[GASPS]
Okay, you are gonna love this.
I could not live without mine.
You can go straight to the snuggly. And from that to the backpack.
That takes you to preschool without actually holding the baby?
I'm just saying, does anyone hold babies anymore? Is that out?
[ALL CHUCKLlNG WEAKLY]
This punch has alcohol, doesn't it? Yes, that's enough for you. Ha, ha.
It must really be hard for you. - What must be?
Well, I mean, you're single, and... You're single.
WOMEN: Mm-hm.
Actually, I'm not single. Oh, that's right, she met a guy.
So it could be her next year, opening baby slings.
WOMAN 1 : Wow.
So is this love? It's still very early.
We've had two dates. We're taking it slow.
Although he did ask me to marry him already. Ha, ha.
WOMAN 2: Oh. Are you serious? What'd you say?
I didn't know what to say, but it was pretty romantic.
[LAUGHS]
WOMAN 3: Really? - What?
It's a little crazy. - But it wasn't like that.
It's like one of those stories you hear about the guy Who sees the girl
and he decides he's gonna marry her and then he does.
Those aren't stories, they' re movies. WOMEN : Y eah.
You hear about real people doing that. Don't you and Jeff have that?
- No. No.
[ALL LAUGH]
Jeff's not a romantic guy, he's a boring guy.
I had to give him an ultimatum.
- Yeah, me too. WOMAN 4: Exactly.
Why Would you marry a boring guy? - I love him.
Boring men are reliable. Romantic men cheat.
- That's not true. It's true.
Romantic men are in love With falling in love.
After that, they start looking around.
I don't know, is it that black and White? What if I want both?
You can't have both. - I think Luke is both.
Wait until you meet him before you decide he's a jerk.
Sure. When can I meet him?
When he's back from his business trip.
[WOMEN CHUCKLE]
What, the man can't travel for work?
Two dates, a proposal and a sudden business trip?
I think I've seen this story on Dateline.
Yeah, I would totally have him background-checked.
Yeah. Doesn't sound like the ideal start
to a relationship. Or casually pass by his apartment
and see if it's really empty. - WOMEN: Yes.
I'm not gonna stalk him. Sweetie, better safe than sorry.
Remember Adam? - No, I've totally forgotten Adam.
He left her for frogs. It wasn't that simple.
All I'm saying is that perhaps your judgment in men
is Worth questioning.
Well, I wanna thank you all
for helping me celebrate my happiness. Heh.
You're welcome. I'm gonna need a little coffee
to come down from the high. Excuse me.
- Okay, next. Oh, thank you, Who's it--? Kelsey.
[SlGHS]
Oh.
Jeff, I didn't know you were here.
Trying to stay out of the way.
So you're washing dishes. Yup.
You don't mind that?
Helping my pregnant wife with the domestic chores?
No, I don't mind that.
So, what are you, like, the greatest guy in the world?
I do my best.
WOMEN: Oh!
[WOMEN GlGGLlNG]
Oh. Hey, if I just slipped out, could that be our little secret?
We never had this conversation. Oh, thanks.
[$$$]
Hello. Hi.
You lose something? No.
Yes. An earring, I thought maybe.
You want me to help you look for it? No, no, it wasn't expensive.
Anything else I could help you with? Uh, no, I was just passing by.
Oh, uh, is Luke home, by chance?
Nope, out of town on business. He didn't tell you?
He did. I just thought maybe he came back early.
I guess not. Anyway, it's nice to see you again.
You wanna go see some art? What?
Art. There's a painting I'm thinking of buying
- and Luke said you're an artist. He did?
Mm-hm. What do you say? You give me some art advice,
I answer all your questions about Luke?
Sure.
RAE : I can't believe you just bought that painting.
HARRY: You said I should. I said I liked it.
I had no idea how much it cost. We shouldn't be talking about me.
I should be giving you the dirt on Luke, as promised.
Okay. Uh, what was he like in school?
Heh. Well, kind of how he is now, a visionary.
Smart, focused, set goals, went after them,
made it look easy, but funny, you know, not uptight.
And loyal. Always covered for me when I'd go off the rails,
Which was quite a bit.
What do you see in Luke?
A guy Who knows What he wants and Who he is. That means a lot.
Not some guy Who's just gonna take off at the drop of a hat.
I didn't mean you. Well, it sounds a lot like me.
It's just that my ex-boyfriend left me to travel the World.
He didn't take you with him? I wanted to stay here.
I wanted to build a life. I just feel like the world-traveler guy
is just ultimately running from something.
Oh, not you. You know what? You're right.
I am running from something. What?
Ordinary life, marriage, kids, mortgages,
pretty much everything you value. I guess we're just polar opposites.
But that's good because all the polar opposites are disappearing.
Oh, no, no, no, wait. That's polar ice caps and bears.
Polar opposites are just fine.
- RAE: What do you do? HARRY: What do I do?
Let's see, I play tennis, I ride horses, I race cars,
I jump out of planes, travel to exotic ports of call.
I mean, for a living.
Do you have an actual job? - I do. I'm rich.
That's a job? It's harder than it sounds.
[PHONE RlNGlNG]
Oh, excuse me.
Speaking of Work.
Hi, this is Rae Carter.
Right now? Well, I thought the decision wasn't until next Week.
It'll take me 30 minutes to get there.
Tell Judge Barbour I'm on my way.
Um, l' m so sorry, but I have to be in court.
I thought you were an artist. I'm a social worker.
I have a teenager that has a hearing right now.
Huh. I'll give you a ride. - I'll jump in a cab.
Come on.
$ Come on $
$ Come on Come on $
$ Can you see the light? Can you see the light? $
$ Come on Come on $
$ You know it feels right $
$ The door is open Are you gonna take the ride? $
$ We're playin' it all wrong That's why I'm sayin' it, come on $
$ Get in, come on $$
J U DG E : Than k you for showi ng u p, Ms. Carter.
Sorry I'm late. I had this scheduled for next Week.
I reached my decision earlier. That's my prerogative.
RAE : Of course.
I've had an opportunity to review lmmy's transcript.
This is a girl Who's had far more than her share of chances,
but your commitment to this girl means something to me.
I think we both realize that sometimes
all a person needs to succeed is one champion in her corner.
You could be that person for her. - Yes, Your Honor.
Therefore, I am remanding her to your custody for a period of three months,
at Which time We Will review her status.
You mean as in living with me? That's exactly what I mean.
But it's against protocol. I'm not licensed. It's a bad idea.
I don't have bad ideas, Ms. Carter.
As for the other issues, I'll take care of it.
I know some people in the court system.
Your Honor-- - It's this or detention till her 18th.
[$$$]
Yes, Your Honor.
Yes, you accept Miss Hicks as your ward?
Yes. Fantastic.
I love it when it all works out.
[SQUEALS THEN LAUGHS]
[BOTH GRUNT]
IMMY: Thank you. - Heh.
[$$$]
RAE: Okay, here We are.
Okay. Oh, you know what?
Don't touch.
Okay, so this is the kitchen, obviously,
- and this is the living room. It's also your room, but only at night.
That's the couch, you sleep there. That's Mike, he sleeps With you.
No sweat.
[CHUCKLES]
I realize you're totally freaked out by this,
but don't Worry. I'm gonna be the best roommate.
I'm not freaked. There's no blood in your face.
I tell people how to take care of kids. I have no idea how to do it myself.
Nothing to it. Eat, sleep, school, that's my gig.
So who was the guy with you in court?
He's a friend of a guy that I'm dating. Your boyfriend?
I can't call him that, we haven't... Done it?
[GASPS]
We're not gonna have this kind of a relationship.
Too Gilmore Girls? - A little.
Hey, What's this stuff?
Uh, that's off-limits.
Do you draw or something? I used to. It's just a hobby.
Look, I'm gonna convince the judge to give you another placement.
Why? Look, the important thing
was to get you out of detention. This isn't the environment for you.
I'm single, I work all the time. If I were your social worker,
I'd take you away from me. Okay, here's your bedding.
But I think-- Like any other kid,
you deserve parents, not some job-obsessed single woman
Who talks to her dog.
But I think that-- No more "buts." End of discussion.
See, that sounded very parental.
I gotta change for work.
Don't take drugs, break anything, befriend human traffickers.
You're a natural at this.
Thanks, Mom.
[SlGHS]
Don't.
See, that's only gonna make me wanna do it more.
[$$$]
So has he called? - RAE: No.
Has he texted? - No.
E-mailed? He doesn't have to check in with me.
It's Weird, you know? The guy wants to marry you,
but he can't call When he's on a trip?
That's What people do on trips, they get busy.
That's one thing they do on business trips.
Hey. KlM : Just trying to help.
She does not need help from you. I can see that.
Okay, she does kind of have a point. Thank you.
It's just... It's the early days, Rae.
This is when he's supposed to be perfect.
He is. I'm not gonna start looking for trouble.
That's the thing about trouble. You don't have to look, it shows up.
I'm sorry, are you in this?
He's obviously cheating. Why else Would he not call?
Technically, he can't be cheating, because We're not in a relationship.
What does that mean? They haven't had sex.
Shh! Why not?
It's personal.
Why not? - lgnoring you.
Going for jewelry before sex, that's What I do.
Does that Work? - Depends.
If you count that little plastic sword they put in a martini,
it works like a charm.
I am so sorry I started this. Why don't you just call him?
Yeah, that Would be great.
You could tell him all about your biological clock.
I don't wanna talk about it anymore.
- I'm at Work. I wanna Work. Fine.
[PHONE RlNGlNG]
Rae Carter.
Luke.
- Hi. LUKE: I'm sorry I haven't called.
I left my phone on the plane and all my numbers are gone.
Are you still speaking to me? Y es.
Oh, good, okay.
Somebody found my phone so I should have it tonight.
I won't have to bother you at work. You're not.
Really? Okay, well, listen, I gotta hop, but I will call you later, okay?
Okay, I love you.
[BOTH GASP]
No!
I didn't. You did.
Tell me I mumbled. You didn't.
Maybe he hung up. CANDACE: Did he say anything?
- No. I'm sure he hung up first.
Maybe forever.
Oh.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Hey, I'm home, look busy.
Okay, so I was thinking
since tonight is our first dinner together--
Oh, hi, hi. Hi.
You two have met? Well, he came by to surprise you.
- I didn't wanna ruin the surprise. Surprise.
Wow.
I am surprised. Ha, ha.
- Those are for you. I had to guess.
If you hate them, I'll take them back. They're beautiful.
Well, you're beautiful.
Oh, look at that, I suddenly have something to do in your room.
Hm. Hm.
Excuse me. Mm.
Right.
Come here, please. I'll take this. Come sit down.
Hi. Hi.
My meeting was canceled. I was calling from the airport.
- I wanted to surprise you. Immy-- Oh. I can explain.
Before you left, I didn't have a foster kid and now I do--
You're right. All this caring about the Welfare of children,
it's really gotta stop.
She's amazing, by the way.
There is no way that you're really this great.
Yeah, there's no way that I'm not.
[BOTH LAUGH]
Why are you unwilling to believe this is happening?
I have these voices in my head, and I have a history so it's...
Not with me, you don't. With me, you have a future.
[MUFFLED HlP-HOP MUSlC PLAYlNG lN DlSTANCE]
I'm gonna go
so that you can spend some time with your kid.
She... Ha, ha.
- Goodbye. Bye.
Oh.
I love you too.
[$$$]
[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]
[CHUCKLES]
[WHlMPERlNG]
Don't ask.
[OH DARLlNG'S "PRETTlEST THlNG" PLAYlNG]
[SCHOOL BELL RlNGlNG]
$ Walked along I walked along $
$ I sang your song And I tried to read $$
IMMY: Why didn't he spend the night?
RAE: Teenagers don't really ask questions to their mothers like that
and even if I were your mother, I wouldn't answer.
Most mothers aren't tomcatting around town.
I'm not. That's not even a current term.
I'm entering a mature and productive relationship, which l...
How did you pull me into this? I'm evil. Back to your love life.
What we need today is for you to go back to school
and not cause problems.
We're gonna go to the principal's--
Kiss his ass until it shines. Exactly.
I can do that, but I'm Worried about you.
There's nothing to be worried about. Everything's fine. I'm very happy.
Spill it. There's nothing to spill.
You're glowing. I am not.
- You are so a lava lamp right now. I am not a lava lamp.
He said something to me last night
that made me feel really good.
What'd he say? End of discussion.
You're the magnet and he's the steel? No one says that.
It's an '80s song. They said stuff like that in the '80s.
We're not in the '80s anymore. Just tell me what he said.
He loves you.
That's what he said.
Actually, he said, "l love you too."
- Oh. What?
That means you said "l love you" first.
It doesn't matter. He said, "l love you too."
I can't believe you.
I'm out of practice, okay? You really dodged a bullet there.
[SlGHS]
Where are We? - Thought you'd never ask. Come on.
I can't believe you said "l love you" first.
[$$$]
[R&B MUSlC PLAYlNG OVER SPEAKERS]
Thank you.
So couple of things you need to know.
I called ahead to order the wine. Thank you.
What is it? No idea. I asked which would
get you drunk the fastest. Ha, ha. Classy.
Secondly, I don't have a middle name.
My parents named me after an apostle.
Apostles don't have middle names.
They did consider giving me a chapter and verse number.
Ha, ha. Anything else? Yes. I don't own power tools.
Okay. Still with me?
I think so. Good.
These are the things you need to know
if you and I are going to, you know,
move forward, as in
[WHlSPERS] the magic date.
Okay. I know what you mean.
[lN NORMAL VOlCE] Okay, then Why do you look troubled?
I was just thinking maybe there are reasons to wait.
Like what?
Maybe there are things We don't know about each other yet.
That's what l' m trying to tell you. Maybe there are other things
that we aren't adequately equipped to discuss yet.
Why are you speaking like the queen?
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
It's just for me, after the magic date, that's kind of it.
Uh-huh. Like, we die? What is it, some praying mantis ritual?
No, it's that We're monogamous. - Right.
- Are you ready for that? Are you ready for that?
Hey, listen, if you wanna wait, it's okay, honestly.
I'm fine with it. You just have to let me know so I can call the Ritz
and cancel the suite.
You booked a suite?
You said you were expecting magic. Magic requires a suite.
I wasn't expecting anything. I just wanna be sure.
You weren't expecting anything, and yet you wanna be sure.
You know What I mean. It's a commitment
- and commitments are scary. Yes.
I don't like to be scared. No one likes to be scared,
yet everyone likes to be scared. That's why horror movies do so well.
Exactly.
But everybody likes to be fake scared, nobody likes to be real scared.
Okay, well, there won't be any knives or people in masks,
so this is the good kind of scary, okay?
But if you wanna wait, hey, it's fine With me, honestly.
I can wait for you to be the right kind of scared.
Okay. Okay.
[JULlANA JOYA'S "SOMETHlNG ABOUT YOU" PLAYlNG]
$ All I wanna do is hold you tight And laugh until I start to cry $
$ Strange but I like it $
Champagne? Mm. Later.
$ There's something about The way you make me feel $
Did you see the flowers? - Beautiful.
How about the fire? - Cozy.
Y eah, I asked for that. Mm-hm.
Actually, I made it,
With some twigs and a magnifying glass.
Ha-ha-ha. You make me laugh. Wait, I gotta ask.
- Where you been? Waiting for you.
$ And laugh until I start to cry $
$ There's something about you $$
[$$$]
What? Hey, I didn't wanna wake you.
Well, now that you did, we're gonna have to think of something to do.
Mm. Mm. Mm--
No, I have to go home. Why? Tonight is going so well.
It's going amazing, but I have to go. Why?
Immy. Oh, yes, our teenager.
She's not yours, she's mine. She's ours now.
You're still stuck on this idea of forever.
What's wrong? Nothing.
No, no, no. Come on, We're not gonna do that. Sit, tell me. Spill it.
Why are you still on TheMeetingSpot.org?
What?
I saw your status, you're still active.
You talk about marrying me, but still looking.
I can explain, okay?
But I don't think I should have to.
I haven't done anything to make you doubt me.
This is just classic self-sabotage stuff here.
This always happens.
It always happens? What, to all the women that you propose to?
Would I have done any of this if I wasn't serious?
I don't know. That wasn't the question. I have to go.
Hey, Rae. Rae.
Hey.
Really?
[$$$]
Okay, let's talk about What happened. - What?
The crying till 3 a.m. If We're gonna live together,
we need to have a policy of communication.
No, we don't. Did you and Luke break up?
- No. But I take it the magic date
wasn't so magic.
Is this how you are in your foster homes?
I'm starting to understand your dilemma.
Hm. Is this how you are in relationships?
[PHONE RlNGlNG]
I'm definitely starting to understand yours.
Oh, God.
Hello, Mother.
[BEV SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY OVER PHONE]
What? Right now?
Yeah, is everything okay? Yeah, no, I'm on my way.
Okay, we'll have to table this fascinating discussion.
My sister is in labor. - Cool, I'm gonna be an aunt.
[$$$]
I'm gonna be an aunt, you're gonna be a cousin. Let's go.
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Dr. Joel to Maternity. Dr. Joel to the Maternity ward, please.
Can you hear me now?
You're here. She's here. - Hey. How's she doing?
Well, she's in labor. She Won't let us come in.
She's asking just for you. Jeff is in there.
We can't reach--
He won't answer his phone, he's not at the club.
It's a total mystery. Call him again.
Uh, this is lmmy. Oh, this is your daughter?
Daughter? You're practically grown up.
I'm sad for all the years We've missed.
Oh, don't worry, we'll catch up. Go talk to Papa.
This is insane, she's by herself? - Don't look at me.
She barred us from the room. She told me I was too tearful.
- Tearful? It's all right, go on.
Where? You'll hear her.
[TRUDY GROANlNG]
I hate you. No, don't touch me.
Just give us a few minutes, okay?
Hi. Hi.
Make them leave me alone.
They keep telling me to breathe. I don't wanna.
Sweetie, breathing would be better than not breathing right now, okay?
It's like someone's killing me from the inside.
The books don't tell you about this. It's gonna be okay.
How do you know? Where's Jeff? They're looking for him.
How can he turn his phone off? Probably in a bad reception area.
They're gonna find-- - I have to tell you.
I have given you some really bad advice.
Don't get married, don't have a baby.
There aren't enough cute baby clothes in the World
to make this worth it.
You're gonna feel differently once Llewellyn is here.
Unh. Who's she? Your son?
Oh, right, right.
Rae, I'm really scared.
It's gonna be fine. You're gonna have a baby. Okay?
Oh, God!
Oh, my God, baby, I am so sorry. I was on the ninth hole, no reception.
I'm teaching this lady. She keeps taking mulligans.
Do not use golf terms, I'm in pain here.
Right, right. I know, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Um... Oh, God. Unh.
I love you. Yeah.
Okay. Mm-hm. JEFF: Okay. All right.
I can take it from here.
Okay. I'm gonna be outside if you need me, okay, honey?
Okay. Okay.
Okay. All right, you With me? - I'm fine.
Look at me.
How's your breathing?
[$$$]
- Rae? Still no baby, Jeff's in there.
All right.
[SHOUTS] How is she? Oop.
[lN NORMAL VOlCE] How is she? She's fine, but she's miserable.
Having a baby hurts. Don't have sex. Gotcha.
- Now What? We wait.
[SlGHS]
[WOMAN SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY OVER PA]
- Hi. Mm. Oh. What are you doing here?
Immy called me. How--?
From your phone. Why--?
It was the right thing to do. You okay? Uh, yeah, I guess.
Listen, ahem, the reason that I was still active on TheMeetingSpot.org--
You don't need to explain. I wanted to know
if you were still active. See? I didn't trust you, you didn't trust me.
It's kind of a "Gift of the Magi." "Gift of the Magi" is nothing like that.
Right. More the "Spy Vs. Spy" kind of thing.
- It doesn't matter. Yes, it does.
You don't know me enough to know I don't run around
asking women I just met to marry me, but I don't, okay?
What I feel is very real.
I believe you. Take a deep breath and start over.
Okay. Okay? Here goes.
Swan, wake up, look what's about to happen.
No, Mother, that is
not about to happen.
Do we know this young man?
I believe this is Reverend Maynard's nephew.
It is, it's Luke. Hi, how are you?
Go ahead and say what you were gonna say.
Mother.
[CHUCKLES]
Rae, will you go on a first date with me?
Ha, ha. Yes.
And then, will you marry me?
[YELLlNG]
[$$$]
- JEFF: It's a girl! What?
What? It's a girl? JEFF: It's a girl.
BEV: A girl? JEFF: The ultrasound was wrong
and Llewellyn Rufus Rumson is a girl.
Well, that's not gonna work at all. It's kind of a girl's name.
We'll change the spelling. Is Trudy okay?
She's fine, everybody's fine. Y'all come on.
BEV: It's a baby girl. Hey, Rae?
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Dr. Cody to the pharmacy.
Psst.
- Hey, you coming? What happened?
You missed the whole thing? What whole thing?
Immy. Luke.
[BABY COOlNG]
Shh.
[JEN CROWE'S "BABY OF MlNE" PLAYlNG]
She's absolutely beautiful.
Llewellyn Rumson looks just like her mother.
I can't name her Llewellyn, Daddy, that's a fat girl's name.
Well, I just can't keep up.
Meet Carter Rae Rumson.
[GASPS]
You wanna hold your namesake?
Yes, please. TRUDY: Yes. Ha-ha-ha.
Here you go. - Oh, she's so small.
Oh, I know. She's so tiny.
Who are y'all?
Oh... Uh...
That's Luke and that's lmmy.
Long story. They're engaged. She hasn't answered yet.
So answer. - Mother.
I can wait. Really, it's... We can wait.
[LAUGHlNG]
Yeah. So tiny. Cute. Yeah.
Isn't she the prettiest baby ever? She totally is.
Hey, we should make sundaes.
That's actually a great idea. I have them sometimes.
[KNOCKlNG ON DOOR]
Who could that be? Uh, human traffickers?
Oh, God. It's really human traffickers?
[KNOCKlNG]
Hi. I really need to talk to you. Can I come in?
RAE: Fine.
Adam, this is lmmy, lmmy, this is Adam.
I really love it here.
Maybe I'll just go to your room.
So, what's new? Oh, not much.
I became an aunt, I have a daughter and I might be engaged.
Something to drink?
You're engaged? How long? Officially, almost an hour.
How can you just show up like this?
You blocked my e-mail an de-friended me on Facebook.
And why? You don't wanna hear from me.
I was trying to get over you. You got engaged, I guess it worked.
I might be engaged. - How does that Work?
I haven't answered. He's letting you test-drive the ring?
Look, it's... It all happened very fast. Today, in fact, the ring part.
How long have you known this guy? A few weeks.
I was with you for two years and it didn't make a difference.
The length of a courtship
doesn't determine the success of a relationship.
Sometimes you just know. - Except that you don't just know.
I almost know... Wait, how do you have me defending myself?
You left me for frogs and strippers. What?
You expect me to believe that Woman is your niece
and not some stripper?
She is my niece.
She's also a stripper. My brother's been trying to get her out of that
so I let her intern with me. You don't have a niece. I'd remember.
Bob's kid?
They lived in Minnesota. I had her pictures on my fridge.
Patty With the braces and the glasses?
Now it's Lyric with the fake boobs and the hair extensions.
Still, okay, you came home from Wherever Without telling me.
I was depressed.
There was some kind of migratory issue
and frogs were disappearing.
There really was a frog famine.
I couldn't deliver What I promised, so I lost the grant.
After that, I didn't know What to do.
I wasn't ready to face you until I could figure out a few things.
And now you have?
Not everything.
But a lot of things.
One big thing.
[$$$]
Don't marry him.
Marry me.
[$$$]